As some of you may know I used to train at the gym, A LOT. I mean at least an hour to two hours a day and maybe one day of rest a week.
This meant I was super fit, super toned, ate well and well.. looked amazing.

But there were downsides that slowly started to consume my life..

Because my body was only taking what it needed for training it wasn't giving my body enough nutrients for the normal processes my body needed to carry out as a woman. As a lot of women athletes will know this is very hard to balance. One of the side effects was I stopped getting my monthly cycle, at all...this also meant my hormones and my mind were doing some crazy things, one minute I was on top of the world raring to go, the next I was exhausted and moody. This put a strain on my relationships, friendships, everything...I needed to 'lighten up' but I was obsessed with training and getting more and more definition. I stopped doing other things I loved, like singing, acting, music and focused on my training/losing fat, it consumed my life.

Food is something every athlete or gym-goer has to focus on in order to achieve the body they have always wanted. However, because I was constantly watching what I was ate I became obsessed with what I put in my body, and whilst to a certain extent that was beneficial it also caused me to continuously change my diet, I would cut out meat, add it back, cut out dairy, add it back, go vegan, go vegetarian and my body could not keep up. Also, this caused my taste buds to go crazy and I stopped enjoying food at all, my body didn't know what it wanted because I forced it to eat or drink things it didn't want. Another thing I did was completely eliminate refined carbs, and many nutritionists will say this is a good thing, and it does help your body to gain more energy independently, but I went mad with cutting carbs, I started to cut potatoes, starchy vegetables, high sugar drinks etc because I knew that carbs were my enemy (and still are to a certain extent). As a woman, we need fat/carbs to make sure our body function how it was designed too, we are different to men and this is something I completely disregarded when I started to work out, I just wanted that toned, fit body, no matter what the consequences.

Don't get me wrong, I admire athletes, and gym fanatics and their dedication, I used to be one of them, but it has come to my attention that I have an addictive personality and that lifestyle got the better of me and caused me some major health problems.

I still love exercise, and I will continue to go walking, swimming, cycling, yoga and do the occasional run but I will try my best to keep my body functioning normally.

I know the pressure of looking a certain way and it's horrible, and whilst I miss the way I looked I also don't miss the panic I felt after missing a work out or gaining a pound. People don't really advertise what it's like when you've lost the weight..and how you maintain that is harder than losing it if you ask me...!

Your mind and body are important and don't ever take that for granted, but being sound in mind will eventually lead to a body you are naturally entitled to, and if that is an extra bit of fat or bigger thighs then so be it.

I am not happy with my body still but I will continue to move my body and put good food into it and hopefully my natural shape will appear. I have restarted my monthly cycle and I am feeling a lot happier in myself at the moment. It is amazing what good food, long walks and a good bed can do for your mind.

As a woman, the pressure of looking a certain way is enormous and it puts a giant strain on our lives, but it isn't as important as you think.
I have gained a lot of fat/weight and most of it was through stress/anxiety, so being relaxed and chilled out will help you in so many ways. If you're happy on the inside it will radiate on the outside.

My advice to you and to myself is to find an activity you enjoy and don't think about the weight loss, think about the enjoyment you feel and the determination you have to improve in that task/sport and the fat and extra weight will melt away.

I tried to defy my body and its natural shape and it caused me problems, especially with my mind, I know it's hard, but try not to get stressed, try not to worry and take time to appreciate what you have and get all the sleep and love you need.