Well, I thought that I had hit it...I thought I had hit rock bottom about a month ago.

I was wrong.

Today I hit it. And it was a massive smack in the face.

Everything is out of control, there isn't one thing that is in my control right now and we all know how much humans need to control things...

So let's take it back a step, as most of you know I was struggling with being a graduate and struggling finding my love for fitness yet again, amongst other things...

But it is much worse, I am applying for jobs daily with no response, I am at the end of my overdraft and to top it all off I can no longer afford the gym. I am eating crap food because that is all my mum seems to buy and now I am addicted to it, and I am getting ill...right now I can't breathe, my throat hurts and my stomach will not stop bloating.
I am living with my mum, I'm single and most of my friends have left for home, I feel pretty lonely right now.
I have applied for tough mudder and only one person has sponsored me so far, that is extremely disheartening...

I am sick. In all sense of the word.

The worst thing about it all is I know what I'm doing to my body, I'm hurting it by feeding it crap food, not exercising and by being constantly stressed about having no money and no future at the moment.

Now I know some people won't understand, they will think I am just moaning on and on. But I don't think people quite understand the daily effort I go through to TRY and better myself.

I am tired, tired of it all, you reach a point where you throw your hands up and say what is the point.
What is the point in anything now.

But I am not going to give up..it will take time but hopefully things will get better...won't they?

I need a plan, asap.

But at the moment I don't even know where to start.

So here I am, I need to start a new life...

I used to eat so well, care about myself, but I don't care anymore.

I miss the outdoors, I miss fresh air, I miss simplicity and I miss my University friends and I miss nice,friendly people.

I look and feel a mess.

Fingers crossed things change, but at the moment I don't even know what to write apart from I am fed up- and if there are people out there who don't like that people get low/down/depressed and have bad times in their lives then GET A GRIP.
Everybody feels low, and everyone has hard times.

I am going through mine, but one day I won't be and I will look back and realise that this time in my life was needed to know what's really important.