I hadn't fully understood that phrase until today.
Life is full of ups and downs, it continues to move along even when the brakes have firmly been applied and you don't want it to move. It really is a terrifying unpredictable ride.
Today I embark on yet another move, this time back to my hometown of Barrow-in-Furness to hopefully rekindle my love for nature, family/friends but most importantly the love for myself. During this last year, a lot has happened, and in the midst of everything I have lost the love for myself, I have stopped caring about my appearance, what I eat and what I do. Unfortunately, the passion, motivation and the drive I once had has slowly but surely faded away, but time and time again I try to push through.
We traipse through life blaming others for our mistakes, telling ourselves time and time again that the problem is how others choose to perceive us. No, that is not right. The basic truth is that it is all down to us. However, I do not rule out the fact that there are always circumstances and relationships that drastically affect our moods and our choices in life, one of the biggest ones being family especially when you are at a young age.
Family is one of the reasons I have had a complex life, I have never had the 'traditional' family, a father and mother who are married and had a steady income, no, but in some ways I'm glad for the life I have. I have always embraced having a creative family, having a mother who is a singer and having her single handedly persevere to try and make the most of her life. This non-traditional family has also caused a lot of grief, especially financially, only having one income meant that my mum had to work full time and attempt to look after me at the same time, life is challenging but we always find a way to survive. However, as much as we try to run away from our family, we can not deny that sometimes we need their help and support to get through troubling times, and as long as they are willing to do that, you know that they will always love you.
On my rollercoaster,I have experienced a lot, the complex ups and downs of a meaningful long-term relationship, the ins and outs of family life and most importantly that there never really is an age you 'grow up'. I have always rejected the idea of routine and comfort, most probably because I didn't have much of a routine growing up and every day was different. However, looking back on my life I realise the happiest time of my life was when I had a routine, a place of my own and somebody to come back to every night. It has taught me such a valuable lesson that we should never take what we have for granted, and though I am moneyless, alone and have no idea where I'm headed in the future, I know that things will turn out alright in the end if I only learn to embrace it.
And when this rollercoaster levels out onto a smooth track of a steady routine I only hope that I will enjoy every second of it and never take what I have for granted again.
"Life is a Rollercoaster, you just have to ride it"
CONVERSATION