Ch-ch-ch-changes
"Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time"
David Bowie
Yesterday I spoke to a friend, a good friend, about how I don't feel the same, I feel as if I have become a completely different person.
And his response was: "we are constantly changing".
This hit me hard. And whether I had realised it or not we never stay the same. Every day our situation changes, we grow, we learn, we develop new relationships and lose old ones. Some aspects of life are sad, like losing loved ones, growing apart from friends or constantly being alone but however hard this is we have to try and look past that to the good things in life such as; new relationships, new experiences and the future.
In certain situations, we change ourselves to fit the mold of life, in a long term relationship we start to think about others needs above our own, we start to think what would be best for "us" not "me", compromise and selflessness are beautiful things when used in conjunction with each other but when it starts to sway to a one-sided affair things can turn sour. The point I'm trying to make is that we all need time to ourselves, we all need time to discover what we want and that is the journey I am currently on right now.
This last year hasn't been easy, in fact, I would go on to say its one of the worst years I have had, but we all must experience the lows to experience the highs. I think I have paid my dues for now...
My number one discovery is that learning to be alone (after not being alone) is a very hard transition and one that should be made with close friends and family. I have had to make the journey with family as friends are in short supply (as we all have our own lives) and as my mum is at work I have had to make it with my sister, its a lot to put on a young girl and I wish I didn't have too, but she is very understanding.
Each day I am learning that I love different things, my obsession with fitness has died (even though I still love exercise and the outdoors), my creativity is returning along with my 'womanly' traits (aka the constant need to watch chick flicks!). I have been questioning myself a lot, like why did I get in this state, what happened, what do 'I' need, Unfortunately, I went through a phase of blaming others for everything that has gone wrong or actually things that I did right, but after all of that it finally hit me that the only person to 'blame' or hold accountable for was myself. Nobody forces you to do anything you don't want to do of course you can be swept up into it but the fact of the matter is you chose to do it!
I'm not ruling out the fact that many situations are complicated and many things can affect you such as stress, depression, anxiety etc. but we must try to look past these labels and focus on our needs.
I will probably always have depression and anxiety, but thinking about it or taking tablets for it does not solve it. For me, what solves it is getting up and doing things, taking my mind off it and striving for greatness. I'm trying my best to expel negativity and remain positive. I am not where I want right now but at least I am on a path to where I want to be. Many things have gone wrong but now it's time for things to move on and progress.
I just had a great idea, I think I will make a list of goals for the future, write them down and make a plan of how to get there! *pat on the back*
What we all must remember is not to be afraid of change, it happens every day, and it will happen every day and trying to control it can only lead to misery and heartache.
Each day I am learning that I love different things, my obsession with fitness has died (even though I still love exercise and the outdoors), my creativity is returning along with my 'womanly' traits (aka the constant need to watch chick flicks!). I have been questioning myself a lot, like why did I get in this state, what happened, what do 'I' need, Unfortunately, I went through a phase of blaming others for everything that has gone wrong or actually things that I did right, but after all of that it finally hit me that the only person to 'blame' or hold accountable for was myself. Nobody forces you to do anything you don't want to do of course you can be swept up into it but the fact of the matter is you chose to do it!
I'm not ruling out the fact that many situations are complicated and many things can affect you such as stress, depression, anxiety etc. but we must try to look past these labels and focus on our needs.
I will probably always have depression and anxiety, but thinking about it or taking tablets for it does not solve it. For me, what solves it is getting up and doing things, taking my mind off it and striving for greatness. I'm trying my best to expel negativity and remain positive. I am not where I want right now but at least I am on a path to where I want to be. Many things have gone wrong but now it's time for things to move on and progress.
I just had a great idea, I think I will make a list of goals for the future, write them down and make a plan of how to get there! *pat on the back*
What we all must remember is not to be afraid of change, it happens every day, and it will happen every day and trying to control it can only lead to misery and heartache.
Be adventurous, be free and have an open mind!
