I'm at that daunting time in my life where everything I once knew is slowly disappearing, you start to  realise that you won't be returning to education in September, you live in your own tiny studio flat, you're unemployed, running out of money and the friends you have made at University will begin to go their separate ways...

However, there are important decisions to make, do I follow my dreams and try to pursue a life long career?
Do I take a retail job again for the money, but be bored out of my mind?

And more importantly, what career do I want to pursue? How do I even start?

One thing that is still bothering me is the fact I don't have my results yet, I don't know if I am good enough for a career in writing or editing..probably not!

I need confidence.

I need guidance.

But the most important person I need to listen to is myself.


When one part of your life is confusing and daunting all the other parts of your life seem to go the same way. I don't know what's happening to me, I think I'm waiting for an epiphany to happen, a sign from above, someone to say "Sophie, remember, you are gifted, talented and you can do this".

There is always that part of you, that part that regrets giving up the things you really loved; I love music, I love high society and I love being in the limelight, I will never change, I wish I could but its embedded within me and I need someone to draw it out of me.

The problem is I love a lot of things, my mind is constantly flickering back and forth, one minute I want to write, the next I want to sing, I want to be outdoors and I want to travel. I want everything all at once, I have no patience whatsoever.

I read an interesting article the other day that analysed growing up and questioned if we ever really do GROW up, or whether we just discover our own independence and in turn discover ourselves.
I have discovered a lot about myself at University, I have discovered that I can work hard, things don't happen overnight and I am a very impatient person. I'm like the stream of consciousness narrative in a Virginia Woolf novel, constantly seeing things and going 'Oh I want that now!', 'Oh look, shiny things', I never settle for anything that takes time.

Therefore, can we ever discover ourselves by being alone, or do we need others? Talking with friends and family is like a natural form of counselling, people listen, discuss problems and share secrets and this somehow makes your life seem pretty good.

I'm never happy because I never settle for second best.

I guess I am a perfectionist, but ironically, a lazy perfectionist.

Do we just 'ride the wave' of life, do we guide ourselves through the ups and downs?

Please let me know how you make important decisions and if this has helped you in the past...

As for me...its time to think about what I want.