As some of you may know I moved out of my mother's house a few months ago and I have my own little studio flat, sounds perfect right?

Well, in hindsight it was a great idea, however, living here is a different matter entirely. I live in the centre of town above a shop, so firstly I can hear the shops music which starts around 8 am. My toilet and shower are separate, the shower opposite my door and the toilet a floor down, which is frustrating. I share the floor with a couple who don't seem to get along...at 2am, most nights. The windows are single glazed so I can hear everything and feel everything (cold wind). And everything I cook makes things smell for days and it lingers on my bedding/clothes.
My neighbours have control of the heating and it's very difficult to set up wi-fi for some reason.
It's not a very large size and climbing up 2 flights of steep stairs every day is taking its toll.
Overall, it feels like I live in an office building rather than a home.

So, in hindsight- an amazing idea.
In reality...not so much. 

I guess this is part of the reason I'm stressed, I don't like this place and it's costing me money, I'm paying for somewhere I don't want to be but I do like my independence.

Decisions need to be made after this week and I need to stick to a plan!


Along with this comes the bigger issues- being alone.

At first having a new sense of freedom was great, I needed a break, I needed time to myself to figure out what it is I want in life, but have I found that, no, of course not.

Do I know what I need to do to move forward, no, but who does?

Don't get me wrong, I love my alone time as much as the next and I thought that's what I wanted, I wanted to be alone all the time...

I was WRONG.

Being social is the cornerstone of life, it is what influences us in our decisions, helps us calm down after seeing a sea of strangers all day and I believe a hug is the best anti-depressant I have ever experienced.

I miss my routine, I miss stability, and I miss being around someone who every day made me smile, knew what I needed, supported me and loved me no matter what.

I don't regret anything because I needed this time to myself when I was completing my university work, but now I need to realise what was important, and what made me happy.

As humans, we really do jeopardise our own happiness, and for what? I have no idea, and thinking about it hurts my head....

I suppose what I'm trying to say is; you don't know what you have...until it's gone.